I don't have many regrets in life, but the ones I do have run very deep. For instance, I find it very hard to accept that I have never had a valet. My grandfather didn't have a valet, my father didn't have one, and now it looks like I won't have a valet either. That's a helluva lot of no-valet in one family. On the other hand, it probably means I'll hold onto my many shocking secrets, for it seems the role of valet has long since gone from being one where he presses your Y-fronts and shines your buttons to being one where he spills the beans big time.

LRB 10 September 2009 | PDF Download